Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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