WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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