Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want her autograph on my taint
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
