Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
