i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
