On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
