all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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