I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
