but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
