the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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