Do you still have your period?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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