I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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