I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
