I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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