Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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