Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
