ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
