I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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