i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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