Please, let me fuck your mom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
