I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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