You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
