my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
