we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
