We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
