He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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