I just pynch a tree in the face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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