I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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