I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
