dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
