Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
