Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
