smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
