Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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