Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
