my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
