is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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