highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize