I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My balls are so social today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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