somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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