I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize