i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
