mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
