If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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