remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she woke up with a sticky ear
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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