i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All the doctor said was why
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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