we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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