Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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