I can text with my tongue
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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