Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
