I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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