thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
