guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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