this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
