i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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