I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
