that's an acceptable place to lick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
