I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
