I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
