some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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