So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
