if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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