I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
