Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
