Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
