and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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