Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
