I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need water and some morals
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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