sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
