Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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