I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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