my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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