Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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