you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
