I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
false alarm, still single
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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