Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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