I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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