i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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