i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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