Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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