a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
